A Practice in Self-Generosity
In which I bring you writing from the archives.
I haven’t done this before.
I’m reaching back into my archives to put up a post today. I’ve been off schedule, and that’s because my kids are here, I have a migraine, and I’m in deep transition with work and life. Basically, I’m choosing to be gentle with myself while also sticking to my schedule. Because I treasure schedules. And lists. Really.
The piece I’m sharing today is at least 10 years old. It’s from my early days blogging. From when I first started growing my newsletter. From back when I was writing on crypto platforms between changing diapers and playing taxi. It’s post-MFA. Some years after, in fact, because I took a long break from writing as a kind of recovery from the program.
I’m sharing it not because I think it’s especially good writing, but because it speaks to my beginnings as a trauma writing instructor—I was writing through my own trauma, rediscovering my voice and self. And I’m sharing it with the
She Could Love Herself
I tell her the reason is not that people don't want to see her. No. People don't want to see themselves.
I tell her humans are complex. We all have multiple layers to our stories. People who call her experience of the world "nonsense" are people who actively avoid introspection.
ll her introspection is hard. Hearing that she is surviving anxiety or grief or depression or shame is the same, for them, as looking in the mirror.
The people who turn her away with words like "suck it up," "take a pill," "you're a liar" --these are the humans in the most pain. These are the humans who find themselves the ugliest, loathe themselves the most. These are the humans afraid of humanity because humanity requires vulnerability. These are the humans who will deny they are denying themselves, who will outright attack her, who will lambast and rage and burn her with fire and never realize the anger and disdain are reflections of their inner turmoil. I remind her that she knows this; she used to be one of these humans.
I remind her they are seeing just one piece of her self puzzle. They believe they are seeing her all. What they are is in error. I tell her it is not her job to correct them.
In the mirror, I tell her she is beautiful. Truly beautiful. Because, in the mirror, I see how whole she is. How healed, how hurt, how loving, how loved, how strong, how vulnerable, how brave, how afraid, how confused, how concerned and how joyful.
In the mirror, I remind her they are monochrome. Their life has beautiful, messy graffiti, but they don't see their colors. They have blinded themselves to see only their brightness. But she knows brightness is dull without darkness to offset it. And, while they are not dull or bad or loathsome, they are neither bright nor great nor fully loved.
I remind her that she knows this because she was never fully loved until she could love herself. And she could never love herself until she also loved her vulnerabilities and darknesses.
I remind her they are hurting just as much as she is. They simply choose not to know it.
I remind her so she can keep her heart open without being hurt. So she can survive their rejection. So she can be proud of what she has done.
I remind her, and she smiles. She breathes deeply. She continues surviving.
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The Survive Your Story Silent Write-In
Usually the last Sunday of every month, I host a 90 minute silent write-in on Zoom. The next SYS Silent Write-In is not yet scheduled. You need to register to join, but you can drop in (or out!) at any point to write or work in community. I will offer a prompt. If you write to that prompt, you are welcome to send me your writing within a week of the write-in for private, written feedback. If not, no worries. This will be a judgement-free zone.
The details:
TBD once I get a new Zoom or Google Chat setup.
Paid subscribers can register in advance for this meeting, even if you are using your one-time viewing pass to see this email.
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.
Regularly Offered Courses
I teach the following classes through the Center for Creative Writing year-round:
Oct. 29-Dec. 12, 2024
Jan. 7-Feb. 20, 2025
Feb. 25-April 10, 2025
April 15-May 29, 2025
June 3-July 17, 2025
July 22-Sept. 4, 2025 *now enrolling*
Sept. 9-Oct. 23, 2025
Oct. 28-Dec. 11, 2025
Writing through Trauma to Truth, Parts 1&2
Writing about trauma is often an attempt to make sense and meaning; to unravel what can’t easily be felt or said; to stitch torn cloth together again with well-crafted words that make, from struggle, something good and beautiful and true – for yourself and for future readers. Read the full course description.
Writing the Wave, Parts 1-4
Writing the Wave is an organic approach to writing that will jump-start your creative process and free the writer inside you—even if you’re just starting or have been struggling for years. Working with both your creative and analytical mind through a series of imagination-boosting techniques, the course has helped thousands of aspiring writers get to the page and thrive there. Read the full course description.
Writing Your Web Presence
You know the hows and whys of starting a blog. Now you need to generate some quality content. On a blog, you can write about anything you want as long as you have a strong “voice.” You can blog on one topic or many, but a strong voice allows you to wander with your creativity while staying in “niche.” Read the full course description.
Independent Study Options
I periodically accept independent students for Generative Writing and Private Writing Guidance.
Generative Writing
Generative writing sessions are designed to get you writing. Enjoy the benefits of weekly deadlines and regular, in-depth feedback from your teacher as you develop new or existing projects. These sessions follow the same format, pricing (includes a free consultation), and schedule as our regular six-week courses, but without formal assignments. Read the full course description.
Private Writing Guidance
Whether you want to polish or publish your writing, the Center offers expert, one-on-one guidance for the next stage of the process such as first reader, copy editor, manuscript midwife or content editor. Read the full course description.
Privately Offered Courses
Professional Development Workshops
Some professions work with others’ stories as a matter of course. Think of first responders, nurses, social workers, therapists, prison faculty and volunteers, and others. If you are part of an organization that handles sensitive stories, you know that sometimes these stories are hard to let go of. I teach a specialized program for letting go of those stories that stay with us, focusing on secondary trauma and the use of expressive writing as a tool for its release. This workshop is designed for groups of 10 or fewer, and can be in-person or online. Sessions run 2-3 hours and are curated to the needs of your group.
Rates start at $500 with a sliding scale for non-profits and smaller organizations. Larger groups and travel incur different costs. Please reach out to me for more information.
Shawna shows up for us, and gently and resourcefully affirms our truths.Shawna is an advocate in the writer's quest for healing, illumination and creative sharing.
-Ethel
Sliding Scale Options
I recognize that not everyone is able to access the classes I teach through various institutions. For that reason, in addition to these regularly scheduled courses, I take 2-3 private students per month for courses priced on a sliding scale of $75-125. These sessions typically last 4 weeks and are scheduled with me via email. Generally, I reserve these spaces for QT, BBIA or differently-abled individuals, and includes anyone on a fixed income. Course goals are curated to client need. Coursework is assigned and completed through email exchange. However, video conferencing is an option. Contact me directly: shawna.ayoub@gmail.com
Retreats, Workshops & Classes
I generally teach single-session workshops or weekend retreats on a quarterly schedule. Contact me for a course list and information on how I instruct expressive writing if your organization is interested in hosting my classes.
Upcoming Course Series through RCWMS
Through RCWMS, I will be teaching a 5 part series on Expressive Writing for Release and Recovery. All classes can be taken individually. They also work to build on one another. Many of these topics have been offered before, but content will be refreshed so repeat students will have a new experience. You will have an opportunity to purchase all five course for a reduced bundle rate of $325 or you can bundle 3 for $200. Courses can be registered for and taken individually. You are also welcome to donate to support making RCWMS courses accessible to the greater femme-identified QT and BBIA communities.
Writing the Body
It’s a well-researched fact that we store our emotional experiences in our physical bodies. On anniversaries of loss, for example, it is common to feel body pain, heaviness, or fatigue. In this workshop, we will practice feeling into our body stories safely in order to capture them in words. As a group, we will learn about how the body stores memory, and why, and take home practices for listening to the stories our bodies want to tell us. While this course is appropriate for writers at every level and of every genre.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, July 27, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Becoming the Second Person
Do you have a painful and true story you find yourself reliving each time you try to tell it? What about a story that’s stuck inside you because it feels too raw to be writeable, too vulnerable to be readable? Is being able to tell that story without suffering the key to releasing yourself from the trauma of the narrative?
What if you found out there is a way to create safe distance while still telling that hard story? To minimize trauma and (re)gain control of your narrative by no longer being your story’s first person?
What if you could be your story’s second person?
Writers will practice using narrative distance as a tool to explore their stories in new ways. Writers will also take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, September 21, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Remembering Those We Miss
Writing letters can be a heartfelt way to express our love and celebrate the relationships we've shared. Letters can help us preserve important memories and stories, confront unfinished business, and expose ourselves to things we may be avoiding. This is especially true when we are writing to those who are gone from our lives, whether they have passed on or passed on us.
In this workshop, we will come together to examine our grief through the epistolary form. In a safe and supportive space, we will write letters to those we have lost as an act of self-care.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, November 16, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Read Me On the Center Substack!
I write a series called "Beyond a Book Review” on the Center for Creative Writing blog. My latest post, “Red + Blue = Purple Prose in This is How You Lose the Time War,” can be found on the
Substack.
I’ve read many times about the benefit of speaking to ourselves while looking at a mirror. I have never connected to that exercise until this section, “In the mirror, I tell her she is beautiful. Truly beautiful. Because, in the mirror, I see how whole she is. How healed, how hurt, how loving, how loved, how strong, how vulnerable, how brave, how afraid, how confused, how concerned and how joyful.” I finally recognized the woman saying these words to me. What a tremendous blessing. Thank you for sharing this archived piece.