Finding Ourselves In Writing
Or, why reading does actually make us better writers.
April was Arab American Heritage Month.
I learned this from a display in the local bookshop where my kids live. I spent my Spring week with them, teaching my son to cook some Lebanese meals and getting to know my younger two kids’ love interests. The display was right by the bookshop entrance, and I stopped because I saw the latest Rabih Alameddine. I love his work. I’ve followed him on various socials including one where I met and had the pleasure of interacting with him in the cryptoverse several years ago. It was a strange congruence—I was still finding my way as an Arab American in a white, hetero marriage. Finding my legs writing about being of the Lebanese diaspora. Generally struggling with myself and my placement in a world that seemed to reject me from all angles. He didn’t. That was nice.
I would later learn Alemeddine is also a queer Middle Eastern writer. I would think, “No wonder.” As if he saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself. Maybe he did. Who knows?
In any case, I took snapshots of the covers of several books that interested me, jotting down their titles in the “To Read” section of my personal organization app. One of them was Evil Eye by Etaf Rum. A few days later, Libby recommended it to me as an audiobook so I started it, but not without quite a bit of hesitation. Why? I never know how much of an outsider I’m going to feel when reading work by Arabs or Arab Americans. After all, I haven’t spoken Arabic since I was four.
And the start was rocky. But as I’ve gotten into the book (I’m not done yet), I’m finding myself in both the universal and the specifically cultural ways the main character, Yara, experiences.
What’s happening as I read this book is I’m finding language that was already familiar to me that is helping me articulate pieces of my own story that have been sitting stagnant in my mind. I am now sifting and turning and rediscovering parts of who I am and how I came to be this person by following the parallel, fictional journey of another female character in a hetero (albeit Arab) marriage. She married and had children young. Her life was directed by expectation. She struggles with understanding her complicity in choice. Where was freedom for her? What does that mean in the family she came from? Was/is she oppressed? And if she was/is, who can she say that to without contributing to damaging Western rhetoric and stereotypes about Arab and brown cultures?
On reading only what we like
“Write what you know” is probably the best know writing adage. Sure. But a lot of us are writing what we don’t know in order to get to know it. Which is why writers need to also be readers—the kind who read everything.
We can’t only read what we know. We need to read what we aren’t sure about, what we’ve never heard of, what bores us, and what scares us.
Evil Eye scares me. I’m also not sure of it. I’d rather get comfy and read scifi or horror. Or be bored reading a textbook honestly. There’s something to moving into our own resistance. It’s like a workout; we can’t get stronger if we don’t push harder than than the point where we expect our bodies to stop. Not every time. Just every once in a while. We have to test. Experiment. The same is true with our minds and writing.
Writers give each other a leg up
Plus there’s the truth that we leapfrog off each other’s work. Your ideas spark my ideas spark their ideas and so on. That’s how we grow the discourse or the genre. Ultimately, it’s how we grow awareness of limited visibility topics and increase hope.
An example: I was having a conversation with a loved one the other day and mentioned how AirBnB has gone the way of Amazon and is now pro-Musk. That I’m reaching out to the hosts I’ve had good experiences with about scheduling off the platform.
My loved one responded, “Businesses have politics?!”
I informed them, yes, businesses have politics and those politics are poisoning the earth, killing children, and openly punishing people with certain skin colors, physical sexes, ethnic backgrounds, ages, physical and mental abilities, and gender identities. I then pointed them the way of the Boycat app for ethical shopping and crossed my fingers.
As we were talking, it clicked for them that we are of two different social classes, that I am brown, femme, and queer. They put all this together and said something along the lines of, “You have to think about a lot more than I do.”
Without this conversation, awareness would be zero in two directions. I wouldn’t know what my loved one doesn’t know. My loved one wouldn’t know where I’m operating from. Neither of us could take the time to research and connect with each other further. Just like my ability to write deeper into my cultural confusion as a result of listening to Evil Eye, I’m able to speak more thoughtfully into a conversation about privilege and politics a loved one.
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Prompt: Write Who You Are
What are your qualifiers? Which ones have been applied to you but don’t apply to you? Write a list of words and phrases that do and don’t describe you. Pick four, two from each category, and use them to write for 15 minutes. Let your piece take whatever form feels right.
Join Me Every Saturday and Write with the Light On!
Would you like to explore what’s gone dark without sitting in that darkness?
Join us every Saturday for a 90-minute silent write-in, 11:30-1:00PM EDT. Choose to write with the light on and uncover what that can mean.
The Survive Your Story Silent Write-In
Usually the last Sunday of every month, I host a 90 minute silent write-in on Zoom. The next SYS Silent Write-In is scheduled! You need to register to join, but you can drop in (or out!) at any point to write or work in community. I will offer a prompt. If you write to that prompt, you are welcome to send me your writing within a week of the write-in for private, written feedback. If not, no worries. This will be a judgement-free zone.
The details:
Sunday, May 18, 2025 01:00-2:30 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Paid subscribers can register in advance for this meeting, even if you are using your one-time viewing pass to see this email. If you can read this, you can join!
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.
Regularly Offered Courses
I teach the following classes through the Center for Creative Writing year-round:
Oct. 29-Dec. 12, 2024
Jan. 7-Feb. 20, 2025
Feb. 25-April 10, 2025
April 15-May 29, 2025 *now enrolling*
June 3-July 17, 2025
July 22-Sept. 4, 2025
Sept. 9-Oct. 23, 2025
Oct. 28-Dec. 11, 2025
Writing through Trauma to Truth, Parts 1&2
Writing about trauma is often an attempt to make sense and meaning; to unravel what can’t easily be felt or said; to stitch torn cloth together again with well-crafted words that make, from struggle, something good and beautiful and true – for yourself and for future readers. Read the full course description.
Writing the Wave, Parts 1-4
Writing the Wave is an organic approach to writing that will jump-start your creative process and free the writer inside you—even if you’re just starting or have been struggling for years. Working with both your creative and analytical mind through a series of imagination-boosting techniques, the course has helped thousands of aspiring writers get to the page and thrive there. Read the full course description.
Writing Your Web Presence
You know the hows and whys of starting a blog. Now you need to generate some quality content. On a blog, you can write about anything you want as long as you have a strong “voice.” You can blog on one topic or many, but a strong voice allows you to wander with your creativity while staying in “niche.” Read the full course description.
Independent Study Options
I periodically accept independent students for Generative Writing and Private Writing Guidance.
Generative Writing
Generative writing sessions are designed to get you writing. Enjoy the benefits of weekly deadlines and regular, in-depth feedback from your teacher as you develop new or existing projects. These sessions follow the same format, pricing (includes a free consultation), and schedule as our regular six-week courses, but without formal assignments. Read the full course description.
Private Writing Guidance
Whether you want to polish or publish your writing, the Center offers expert, one-on-one guidance for the next stage of the process such as first reader, copy editor, manuscript midwife or content editor. Read the full course description.
Privately Offered Courses
Professional Development Workshops
Some professions work with others’ stories as a matter of course. Think of first responders, nurses, social workers, therapists, prison faculty and volunteers, and others. If you are part of an organization that handles sensitive stories, you know that sometimes these stories are hard to let go of. I teach a specialized program for letting go of those stories that stay with us, focusing on secondary trauma and the use of expressive writing as a tool for its release. This workshop is designed for groups of 10 or fewer, and can be in-person or online. Sessions run 2-3 hours and are curated to the needs of your group.
Rates start at $500 with a sliding scale for non-profits and smaller organizations. Larger groups and travel incur different costs. Please reach out to me for more information.
Shawna shows up for us, and gently and resourcefully affirms our truths.Shawna is an advocate in the writer's quest for healing, illumination and creative sharing.
-Ethel
Sliding Scale Options
I recognize that not everyone is able to access the classes I teach through various institutions. For that reason, in addition to these regularly scheduled courses, I take 2-3 private students per month for courses priced on a sliding scale of $75-125. These sessions typically last 4 weeks and are scheduled with me via email. Generally, I reserve these spaces for QT, BBIA or differently-abled individuals, and includes anyone on a fixed income. Course goals are curated to client need. Coursework is assigned and completed through email exchange. However, video conferencing is an option. Contact me directly: shawna.ayoub@gmail.com
Retreats, Workshops & Classes
I generally teach single-session workshops or weekend retreats on a quarterly schedule. Contact me for a course list and information on how I instruct expressive writing if your organization is interested in hosting my classes.
Upcoming Course Series through RCWMS
Through RCWMS, I will be teaching a 5 part series on Expressive Writing for Release and Recovery. All classes can be taken individually. They also work to build on one another. Many of these topics have been offered before, but content will be refreshed so repeat students will have a new experience. You will have an opportunity to purchase all five course for a reduced bundle rate of $325 or you can bundle 3 for $200. Courses can be registered for and taken individually. You are also welcome to donate to support making RCWMS courses accessible to the greater femme-identified QT and BBIA communities.
Remaking a Memory
Traumatic memories are formed differently than normal memories, and can be more intense and longer lasting. In addition, we can inform our own traumatic memories by rehearsing them. This looks like retelling the event to others, to ourselves, or writing it down. When we do this, we are at risk of introducing inaccuracies and potentially doing ourselves greater harm. However, when we write our traumatic memories, we are also presented with a powerful opportunity: to reframe them.
Reframing our difficult memories allows us to remake them in a way that serves us. In this two-hour Zoom session, we will learn how memories can be intentionally offered through multiple reframing techniques including altered point of view and writing the story as it otherwise might have happened.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, May 25, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Writing the Body
It’s a well-researched fact that we store our emotional experiences in our physical bodies. On anniversaries of loss, for example, it is common to feel body pain, heaviness, or fatigue. In this workshop, we will practice feeling into our body stories safely in order to capture them in words. As a group, we will learn about how the body stores memory, and why, and take home practices for listening to the stories our bodies want to tell us. While this course is appropriate for writers at every level and of every genre.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, July 27, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Becoming the Second Person
Do you have a painful and true story you find yourself reliving each time you try to tell it? What about a story that’s stuck inside you because it feels too raw to be writeable, too vulnerable to be readable? Is being able to tell that story without suffering the key to releasing yourself from the trauma of the narrative?
What if you found out there is a way to create safe distance while still telling that hard story? To minimize trauma and (re)gain control of your narrative by no longer being your story’s first person?
What if you could be your story’s second person?
Writers will practice using narrative distance as a tool to explore their stories in new ways. Writers will also take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, September 21, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Remembering Those We Miss
Writing letters can be a heartfelt way to express our love and celebrate the relationships we've shared. Letters can help us preserve important memories and stories, confront unfinished business, and expose ourselves to things we may be avoiding. This is especially true when we are writing to those who are gone from our lives, whether they have passed on or passed on us.
In this workshop, we will come together to examine our grief through the epistolary form. In a safe and supportive space, we will write letters to those we have lost as an act of self-care.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, November 16, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Read Me On the Center Blog!
I write a series called "Beyond a Book Review” on the Center for Creative Writing blog. You can read my latest post here.
I accidentally read this and it’s pre-quel and they bring up great questions like “Who defines gender"?” and “What is the actual threat against women?” Definitely check these books out!