Is Writing a Weapon You're Using Against Yourself?
How to tell, plus practical steps for breaking the pattern.
It’ll never heal if you keep picking at it.
I write to keep myself sane, but I can just as easily write myself out of balance. The process is the sister of overthinking. You can get too far in, open the wound too much with no way of closing it. Or, more exact to my experience, it’s like taking myself apart knowing the pieces aren’t going to fit back together. Or I’m not going to have the time/energy to put myself back in order. So I’m just going to exist in parts that crave togetherness and hurt for lack of structure.
It’s taking off a thick, day-old scab.
Is writing a healing or harming me?
Knowing whether writing is benefitting you can be tricky. Are your fears getting longer after you write, or do you feel relief? Are you better able to parse your memories once you’ve recorded them, or are they more jumbled? Is more coming up for you than you know how to handle, or do you feel like you’re able to manage the amount that’s unlocked by the writing work you’re doing?
Writing begets writing for many of us, and memories beget memories. A system for tracking ideas that arise can aid in preventing overwhelm, but sometimes the feelings associated with memories become too much. This is especially true when the feelings aren’t clearly attached to a specific thought. They can sit in our bodies and just surge here or there, making us suddenly unsettled.
There’s also the fact that we can write into an idea obsessively. That it’s not really about resolving anything—it’s about trying to exert control over a moment that is past. This looks like shouting at the page. Much like ranting repeatedly about how some guy deserves a beat down for cutting you off in traffic. Why hold onto that rage? Why share it? What is it doing for you or anyone else other than cementing angry neural pathways in your brain? You’re literally hurting yourself by overriding your ability to think in patterns that aren’t angry.
So maybe don’t do that. And don’t write like that.
Instead, write in a way that supports your nervous system and overall wellness.
3 simple steps to writing without hurting yourself
It’s all about closing the container. I’ve been working on this with my writing coach. I actually teach it all the time, but doctors make the worst patients, so to speak.
Set your intention. I do this by setting the table. I clean my desk, close the non-writing apps on my laptop, and light a candle.
Set a timer. This lets me know when to start and when to stop. I can reset the timer if I have a lot more to give, but the final ding means I’ll be leaving the work where it is.
End with a check-in. I scan myself head to toe, making written notes of how the writing felt and where. This grounds me and lets me take a deep breath, fully breaking free of the emotional ties I have tot he work I was doing.
Not ready to subscribe but you’d like to support? Send me a tip or buy me a coffee: paypal.me/ShawnaAyoub
Want to put this into practice?
Prompt:
Think of a moment you were deeply frustrated. Set a timer for 15 minutes and write into the moment. Then, for 3-5 minutes, scan your body and record how that writing made you feel.
How did it go? Were you able to leave the writing behind or do you still feel enervated? What else do you need to close your writing practice?
Join Me Every Saturday and Write with the Light On!
Would you like to explore what’s gone dark without sitting in that darkness?
Join us every Saturday for a 90-minute silent write-in, 11:30-1:00PM EDT. Choose to write with the light on and uncover what that can mean.
The Survive Your Story Silent Write-In
Usually the last Sunday of every month, I host a 90 minute silent write-in on Zoom. The next SYS Silent Write-In is scheduled! You need to register to join, but you can drop in (or out!) at any point to write or work in community. I will offer a prompt. If you write to that prompt, you are welcome to send me your writing within a week of the write-in for private, written feedback. If not, no worries. This will be a judgement-free zone.
The details:
Sunday, June 29, 2025 01:00-2:30 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Paid subscribers can register in advance for this meeting, even if you are using your one-time viewing pass to see this email. If you can read this, you can join!
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.
Regularly Offered Courses
I teach the following classes through the Center for Creative Writing year-round:
Oct. 29-Dec. 12, 2024
Jan. 7-Feb. 20, 2025
Feb. 25-April 10, 2025
April 15-May 29, 2025
June 3-July 17, 2025 *now enrolling*
July 22-Sept. 4, 2025
Sept. 9-Oct. 23, 2025
Oct. 28-Dec. 11, 2025
Writing through Trauma to Truth, Parts 1&2
Writing about trauma is often an attempt to make sense and meaning; to unravel what can’t easily be felt or said; to stitch torn cloth together again with well-crafted words that make, from struggle, something good and beautiful and true – for yourself and for future readers. Read the full course description.
Writing the Wave, Parts 1-4
Writing the Wave is an organic approach to writing that will jump-start your creative process and free the writer inside you—even if you’re just starting or have been struggling for years. Working with both your creative and analytical mind through a series of imagination-boosting techniques, the course has helped thousands of aspiring writers get to the page and thrive there. Read the full course description.
Writing Your Web Presence
You know the hows and whys of starting a blog. Now you need to generate some quality content. On a blog, you can write about anything you want as long as you have a strong “voice.” You can blog on one topic or many, but a strong voice allows you to wander with your creativity while staying in “niche.” Read the full course description.
Independent Study Options
I periodically accept independent students for Generative Writing and Private Writing Guidance.
Generative Writing
Generative writing sessions are designed to get you writing. Enjoy the benefits of weekly deadlines and regular, in-depth feedback from your teacher as you develop new or existing projects. These sessions follow the same format, pricing (includes a free consultation), and schedule as our regular six-week courses, but without formal assignments. Read the full course description.
Private Writing Guidance
Whether you want to polish or publish your writing, the Center offers expert, one-on-one guidance for the next stage of the process such as first reader, copy editor, manuscript midwife or content editor. Read the full course description.
Privately Offered Courses
Professional Development Workshops
Some professions work with others’ stories as a matter of course. Think of first responders, nurses, social workers, therapists, prison faculty and volunteers, and others. If you are part of an organization that handles sensitive stories, you know that sometimes these stories are hard to let go of. I teach a specialized program for letting go of those stories that stay with us, focusing on secondary trauma and the use of expressive writing as a tool for its release. This workshop is designed for groups of 10 or fewer, and can be in-person or online. Sessions run 2-3 hours and are curated to the needs of your group.
Rates start at $500 with a sliding scale for non-profits and smaller organizations. Larger groups and travel incur different costs. Please reach out to me for more information.
Shawna shows up for us, and gently and resourcefully affirms our truths.Shawna is an advocate in the writer's quest for healing, illumination and creative sharing.
-Ethel
Sliding Scale Options
I recognize that not everyone is able to access the classes I teach through various institutions. For that reason, in addition to these regularly scheduled courses, I take 2-3 private students per month for courses priced on a sliding scale of $75-125. These sessions typically last 4 weeks and are scheduled with me via email. Generally, I reserve these spaces for QT, BBIA or differently-abled individuals, and includes anyone on a fixed income. Course goals are curated to client need. Coursework is assigned and completed through email exchange. However, video conferencing is an option. Contact me directly: shawna.ayoub@gmail.com
Retreats, Workshops & Classes
I generally teach single-session workshops or weekend retreats on a quarterly schedule. Contact me for a course list and information on how I instruct expressive writing if your organization is interested in hosting my classes.
Upcoming Course Series through RCWMS
Through RCWMS, I will be teaching a 5 part series on Expressive Writing for Release and Recovery. All classes can be taken individually. They also work to build on one another. Many of these topics have been offered before, but content will be refreshed so repeat students will have a new experience. You will have an opportunity to purchase all five course for a reduced bundle rate of $325 or you can bundle 3 for $200. Courses can be registered for and taken individually. You are also welcome to donate to support making RCWMS courses accessible to the greater femme-identified QT and BBIA communities.
Writing the Body
It’s a well-researched fact that we store our emotional experiences in our physical bodies. On anniversaries of loss, for example, it is common to feel body pain, heaviness, or fatigue. In this workshop, we will practice feeling into our body stories safely in order to capture them in words. As a group, we will learn about how the body stores memory, and why, and take home practices for listening to the stories our bodies want to tell us. While this course is appropriate for writers at every level and of every genre.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, July 27, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Becoming the Second Person
Do you have a painful and true story you find yourself reliving each time you try to tell it? What about a story that’s stuck inside you because it feels too raw to be writeable, too vulnerable to be readable? Is being able to tell that story without suffering the key to releasing yourself from the trauma of the narrative?
What if you found out there is a way to create safe distance while still telling that hard story? To minimize trauma and (re)gain control of your narrative by no longer being your story’s first person?
What if you could be your story’s second person?
Writers will practice using narrative distance as a tool to explore their stories in new ways. Writers will also take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, September 21, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Remembering Those We Miss
Writing letters can be a heartfelt way to express our love and celebrate the relationships we've shared. Letters can help us preserve important memories and stories, confront unfinished business, and expose ourselves to things we may be avoiding. This is especially true when we are writing to those who are gone from our lives, whether they have passed on or passed on us.
In this workshop, we will come together to examine our grief through the epistolary form. In a safe and supportive space, we will write letters to those we have lost as an act of self-care.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, November 16, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Read Me On the Center Blog!
I write a series called "Beyond a Book Review” on the Center for Creative Writing blog. You can read my latest post here.
I accidentally read this and it’s pre-quel and they bring up great questions like “Who defines gender"?” and “What is the actual threat against women?” Definitely check these books out!