When to Use Writing as a Shield
On setting boundaries through and with the written word.
First, I find a home where I don’t expect one.
My therapist recommended I attend Al-Anon meetings as a way to learn setting boundaries. It felt strange sitting in a room of survivors of alcoholics when I was trying to survive a different type of disease. But I was welcomed, and as I continued to attend, it became clear to me that drug abuse by someone I love was affecting me. I continued to show up. I bought three of the books on display. One of them, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, I read from every day.
The passages are a single page each and end with a reminder. I keep a blue pen handy to underline anything that truly stands out to me. One quote is about courage, which is what I’ve needed to set boundaries. Especially with the person my therapist thought Al-Anon’s principles and community would help me with. Spoiler alert: She was right. Here’s the quote:
“Courage is fear that has said its prayers.”
I don’t pray, but I really like this idea of how fear has practiced acceptance and trust. That fear can lean on something, and that transforms it to courage.
When we can lean on our writing.
As a survivor of verbal, emotional and physical violence, my fight or flight response is to freeze. Worse for me, I also fawn. My need to appease a person trying to be in dialogue with me means that I am often not being honest.
This happens whether I’m confronted in person or not. It happens when I receive gentle feedback. Because I had a partner who used to rapid-fire questions at me to confuse me, it happens when I’m asked questions. Which is extra frustrating. I know the answers. I just can’t access them because my body perceives a threat, reroutes all my resources, and shuts down my ability to respond.
What I’ve learned from this is to wait. To choose not to engage in those moments. Because if I am shut down, it is pointless. I need to be able to participate for a conversation to happen. Someone who respects me and truly wants dialogue will respect my need to continue it a different way. I say, “We’ll need to have this discussion in writing.” And if there’s pushback, I say, “If you want to have this discussion, you can email or text me your thoughts and I will respond.”
3 ways communicating in writing protects you
It’s all about closing the container. I’ve been working on this with my writing coach. I actually teach it all the time, but doctors make the worst patients, so to speak.
It allows you time and space to clarify your thoughts. You get to take a breath, think through what you want to say, and edit it to make sure it conveys what you mean before hitting “send.”
You don’t have to stay in the conversation. Moving to email or text gives you the option of taking breaks. If you need to stop for awhile to get your bearings or ground yourself, you have that option.
It keeps the record for you. I can’t tell you how many time’s I’ve used a screenshot to show a receipt of something that was agreed on via text messages. Other survivors will understand the power this has—it stops you from feeling crazy, which is especially important when you are dealing with someone who wants to paint you that way.
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The big struggle using writing as a shield presents
We touched on this, but let’s look at it directly. Choosing to move fraught conversations to writing may challenge you because:
It requires saying no.
In order to move from talking to writing, you have to set a boundary.
You have to say, “Stop. I’m not participating in this pattern anymore.” And then you have to follow through.
I find the best way to ready yourself for setting a boundary is to practice it.
Prompt:
Imagine you are going to invite someone to speak to you only in writing. No more phone calls. No more meet ups. If you need to confer on something, it has to happen via text or email. Write down the message you will send them letting them know. Also write down what you will say to them in-person (this is a script you will repeat every time they try to break this boundary).
Don’t forget to check in. How did practicing this boundary feel to you? Think about why. Where in your body. Make notes for yourself.
The Survive Your Story Silent Write-In
Usually the last Sunday of every month, I host a 90 minute silent write-in on Zoom. The next SYS Silent Write-In is scheduled! You need to register to join, but you can drop in (or out!) at any point to write or work in community. I will offer a prompt. If you write to that prompt, you are welcome to send me your writing within a week of the write-in for private, written feedback. If not, no worries. This will be a judgement-free zone.
The details:
SATURDAY, July 26, 2025 01:00-2:30 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Paid subscribers can register in advance for this meeting, even if you are using your one-time viewing pass to see this email.
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.
Regularly Offered Courses
I teach the following classes through the Center for Creative Writing year-round:
Oct. 29-Dec. 12, 2024
Jan. 7-Feb. 20, 2025
Feb. 25-April 10, 2025
April 15-May 29, 2025
June 3-July 17, 2025
July 22-Sept. 4, 2025 *now enrolling*
Sept. 9-Oct. 23, 2025
Oct. 28-Dec. 11, 2025
Writing through Trauma to Truth, Parts 1&2
Writing about trauma is often an attempt to make sense and meaning; to unravel what can’t easily be felt or said; to stitch torn cloth together again with well-crafted words that make, from struggle, something good and beautiful and true – for yourself and for future readers. Read the full course description.
Writing the Wave, Parts 1-4
Writing the Wave is an organic approach to writing that will jump-start your creative process and free the writer inside you—even if you’re just starting or have been struggling for years. Working with both your creative and analytical mind through a series of imagination-boosting techniques, the course has helped thousands of aspiring writers get to the page and thrive there. Read the full course description.
Writing Your Web Presence
You know the hows and whys of starting a blog. Now you need to generate some quality content. On a blog, you can write about anything you want as long as you have a strong “voice.” You can blog on one topic or many, but a strong voice allows you to wander with your creativity while staying in “niche.” Read the full course description.
Independent Study Options
I periodically accept independent students for Generative Writing and Private Writing Guidance.
Generative Writing
Generative writing sessions are designed to get you writing. Enjoy the benefits of weekly deadlines and regular, in-depth feedback from your teacher as you develop new or existing projects. These sessions follow the same format, pricing (includes a free consultation), and schedule as our regular six-week courses, but without formal assignments. Read the full course description.
Private Writing Guidance
Whether you want to polish or publish your writing, the Center offers expert, one-on-one guidance for the next stage of the process such as first reader, copy editor, manuscript midwife or content editor. Read the full course description.
Privately Offered Courses
Professional Development Workshops
Some professions work with others’ stories as a matter of course. Think of first responders, nurses, social workers, therapists, prison faculty and volunteers, and others. If you are part of an organization that handles sensitive stories, you know that sometimes these stories are hard to let go of. I teach a specialized program for letting go of those stories that stay with us, focusing on secondary trauma and the use of expressive writing as a tool for its release. This workshop is designed for groups of 10 or fewer, and can be in-person or online. Sessions run 2-3 hours and are curated to the needs of your group.
Rates start at $500 with a sliding scale for non-profits and smaller organizations. Larger groups and travel incur different costs. Please reach out to me for more information.
Shawna shows up for us, and gently and resourcefully affirms our truths.Shawna is an advocate in the writer's quest for healing, illumination and creative sharing.
-Ethel
Sliding Scale Options
I recognize that not everyone is able to access the classes I teach through various institutions. For that reason, in addition to these regularly scheduled courses, I take 2-3 private students per month for courses priced on a sliding scale of $75-125. These sessions typically last 4 weeks and are scheduled with me via email. Generally, I reserve these spaces for QT, BBIA or differently-abled individuals, and includes anyone on a fixed income. Course goals are curated to client need. Coursework is assigned and completed through email exchange. However, video conferencing is an option. Contact me directly: shawna.ayoub@gmail.com
Retreats, Workshops & Classes
I generally teach single-session workshops or weekend retreats on a quarterly schedule. Contact me for a course list and information on how I instruct expressive writing if your organization is interested in hosting my classes.
Upcoming Course Series through RCWMS
Through RCWMS, I will be teaching a 5 part series on Expressive Writing for Release and Recovery. All classes can be taken individually. They also work to build on one another. Many of these topics have been offered before, but content will be refreshed so repeat students will have a new experience. You will have an opportunity to purchase all five course for a reduced bundle rate of $325 or you can bundle 3 for $200. Courses can be registered for and taken individually. You are also welcome to donate to support making RCWMS courses accessible to the greater femme-identified QT and BBIA communities.
Writing the Body
It’s a well-researched fact that we store our emotional experiences in our physical bodies. On anniversaries of loss, for example, it is common to feel body pain, heaviness, or fatigue. In this workshop, we will practice feeling into our body stories safely in order to capture them in words. As a group, we will learn about how the body stores memory, and why, and take home practices for listening to the stories our bodies want to tell us. While this course is appropriate for writers at every level and of every genre.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, July 27, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Becoming the Second Person
Do you have a painful and true story you find yourself reliving each time you try to tell it? What about a story that’s stuck inside you because it feels too raw to be writeable, too vulnerable to be readable? Is being able to tell that story without suffering the key to releasing yourself from the trauma of the narrative?
What if you found out there is a way to create safe distance while still telling that hard story? To minimize trauma and (re)gain control of your narrative by no longer being your story’s first person?
What if you could be your story’s second person?
Writers will practice using narrative distance as a tool to explore their stories in new ways. Writers will also take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, September 21, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Remembering Those We Miss
Writing letters can be a heartfelt way to express our love and celebrate the relationships we've shared. Letters can help us preserve important memories and stories, confront unfinished business, and expose ourselves to things we may be avoiding. This is especially true when we are writing to those who are gone from our lives, whether they have passed on or passed on us.
In this workshop, we will come together to examine our grief through the epistolary form. In a safe and supportive space, we will write letters to those we have lost as an act of self-care.
Writers will take home a packet of writing examples as well as prompts, and can contact Shawna for written feedback within two weeks of this workshop.
Sunday, November 16, 2025
2-4PM EST via Zoom
Min 3, Max 12
Tiers: $75, $100. Scholarships available.
Contact info@rcwms.org for more information
Read Me On the Center Substack!
I write a series called "Beyond a Book Review” on the Center for Creative Writing blog. My latest post, “What I’ve Learned from Reviewing LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC Writing,” can be found on the
Substack.
The process has been transformative to my thinking as a queer, brown writer. I hope you’ll take a look!